Keeps Going and Going...

As it turns out, motherhood is a mode that has no "off" switch. It hasn't been too difficult for me; Roger is already sleeping through the night (he's had a few 7 hour stretches and last night was his first 8-hour one), and he's a relatively easy-going baby - he just goes with the flow. That's not to say he doesn't have his fits and fussies, but thankfully they're rather easy to decipher. I don't mind other people holding and playing with him - admittedly I do appreciate the break - but I miss him when I'm not the one holding him. I guess one could say I get a little selfish. I have to remind myself that it's important to share; he is, after all, not only my son, but also a grandson, a nephew, a cousin, etc.

I've been running myself into the ground lately and have reached a point where I would actually really appreciate those extra set of hands. I came down with a miserable cold after the Halloween weekend and am finding that it's a lot harder to run on 5 - 6 hours of sleep when you're not 100%. So I finally did what I rarely do and asked for help. I just needed a nap. A recoup. I handed Roger off to his daddy for a couple hours and retired to our room to rejuvenate, but this is where the whole "off" button thing comes into play. You can't turn off being a mommy. My new role is always at the forefront of my mind. I'd start to drift off to sleep, but every time I heard even just the tiniest fuss, my eyes would snap open. It's not that I don't trust Matt. I know he's perfectly capable of and pretty adept at dealing with the little man's not-so-happy moments. I just am not physically or mentally able to NOT be a mom. It's a very strange sensation.

Now my husband has caught my cold too (little Roger's still running healthy though - here's to breastmilk antibodies!). I'm still running a little slow while the remnants of my cold disappear, and now I have a sick husband to deal with (I think dealing with a sick infant would probably be easier... why are all men such babies when it comes to being sick?). When I was younger, I always used to marvel at how EARLY my parents got up. I was able and willing to sleep the entire morning away and thought my parents were nuts for getting up with the sun. Even well into my 20s (and basically right up until the third trimester), I was a big fan of sleep. I finally get it now. I get up at about 4:30 or 5 now (depending on when Roger eats) because it is, quite literally, the only time I have to myself. Nights after Roger goes to bed are Matt and Erika time. Mornings before Roger wakes up are Erika time. I get 5, sometimes 6 (if I'm lucky) hours of sleep a night, and everything inbetween is work, Roger, cleaning the house, Roger, running errands, Roger... I am a mom. I have NO idea how I'm going to squeeze school into the schedule when I go back in January.

Halloween was a blast. Matt's parents stayed at our house and babysat for us while we went out till the wee hours of the morning (didn't get home till after 2 a.m. which is probably why my cold reared its ugly head... ah, consequences). Even Roger got dressed up for the occasion (albeit briefly). He was less than thrilled about the costume (though everyone else thought it was adorable), so I spent $20 for about 5 minutes worth of pictures. Totally worth it. I can't even believe how BIG he's getting. We had our first set of vaccinations last Tuesday and a well-baby check. He weighs over 12 lbs now (12 lbs 4.5 ozs to be exact) and measures 24 1/4". No one seems to quite believe me when I tell them he's 2-months old (well, nearing 3 now)... He's already wearing 6-month size infant clothes and the 6 - 12 months Halloween costume seemed to fit him pretty good. He's gonna be taller than his daddy :)